A Merry Heart

A Merry Heart
July 20, 2016

Okay! Here’s the thing:

  • When I returned from my recent trip, TSA confiscated “A Merry Heart” because I had a list of sharp objects in the fourth paragraph.
  • My article was all finished, but my husband had loaded the printer with invisible ink.
  • Too much computer use can cause mild fatigue in laboratory rats, so I decided to take the month off…just in case.
  • I was on my way to deliver my article when the ice cream truck pulled up outside; I didn’t have any change so I went back into the house. Once I got inside, the phone rang. I ran to answer the phone, and the dog came running out of the laundry room with a chewed up sock. I went to let the dog out and the neighbor asked if the rabbits were eating my flowers. When I went to check on my flowers, I saw that all my plants were really dry. I went to get some water and heard the ice cream truck; I didn’t have any change so I went into the house to get some money…
  • I was attacked by a bear! Yeah! That’s it! A mountain lion!
  • My husband felt it was more important to watch the sunset and have “US” time, than for me to finish my article.
  • We went camping in the wilderness, and when I went to turn in my article there was no internet service.

So now, I’m SURE, you can TOTALLY appreciate why I had to reprint an older article, so for those who have read this one before, I hope you still find it funny…uh…you know…if you found it funny the first time! If you’re like me, you won’t remember you’ve ever read it! For most of you, these will be “new”!

Thoughts to Ponder

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

How do I set my laser printer to stun?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you recognize a friend at “It’s a Small World” at Disney World, what do you say?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in laboratory rats.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

If only the good die young, then what does that say about senior citizens?

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, “Where in the world is the ceiling?!”

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else!

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can’t get his shoes on!

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math!

Give me ambiguity or give me…something else.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

AND last but NOT least (well maybe shortest), an old joke my sisters and I came up with:
How many Don Weavers can you fit in a Volkswagen Beetle? I don’t know. You’d have to count them all and who has that kind of time?