Christmas…again…already…I allowed myself a deep sigh and then began to contemplate what I was going to buy my husband for Christmas, to show him my undying love and devotion.
Why was it soooo difficult to find something special and unique for my sweetie? I began to make a mental gift-idea list: socks. Nothing illustrates your true affection like showing your husband you’re concerned about the comfort and covering of his feet, right? Okay, no. How about FUNNY socks?! Remembering the crooked smile of his feigned amusement over the last pair—sharks eating his feet—convinced me to check that off the list. THIS year I was bound and determined not to resort to the “fall back” pair of warm, work socks! This year was going to be different!
My problem was that Christmas is such a busy time, fraught with appointments, deadlines, events and general challenges to time and sanity. Gift selection becomes relegated to “last-minute details.” It’s so difficult to find that perfect, unique gift that makes your sweetheart feel “special.”
I had just thrown away the unopened tin of eggnog popcorn, washed the “World’s Greatest Dad” mug, laundered and folded the “Real Men Wash Dishes” apron and the 10 pair of warm, work socks I had bought every year, and gleaned through the 8 bottles of unused cologne from the last several years’ Christmas booty. I quickly ticked those all off the list.
Buying a cool T-Shirt that hailed the virtues of his wife seemed a bit self-serving…and misleading. What do I buy my husband for Christmas?? He already had every clichéd gift I could think of. This year I was going to have to think outside the (gift) box.
Where, oh WHERE, could I get out-of-the-box gift ideas? Where every other misled person goes: the internet! A new list included musical slippers, a pet octopus, a remote control tarantula, a solar powered cockroach and a car wrap picturing an anaconda squeezing the life out of the vehicle. Tick, tick, tick, tick and TICK—off the list! The Internet isn’t always the endless well of resources one assumes (It does make the case that Americans have too much time and money)!
How about something fun and edible…besides popcorn. Yeah! A quick google search supplied me with a list of “fun foods:” A Ramen Crate, Hotdog flavored gum, Olive and Cocoa Licorice Box, Jelly Belly Beans flavor mix which includes: Dead Fish | Spoiled Milk | Stinky Socks | Lawn Clippings | Rotten Egg | Toothpaste, and Unicorn Meat …WHAT? Unicorn Meat? Yeah! It’s a thing; look it up! It was obvious that “unusual foods” was meant to be synonymous with “nausea-inducing foods!” Although my husband enjoys his “delicacies” (scorpions, grasshoppers and quail eggs), this list was TOO “out-of-the-box”.
I gratefully and without apology jumped back into the box and went about finding a predictable and SAFE gift!
How about a tool? Yeah! A tool! That would be safe! I mentally submitted yet another list: drill, nail gun, jigsaw, circular saw, chainsaw…it actually wasn’t sounding too safe. My husband is smart! Actually quite brilliant in his area of expertise but that area is not mechanical or construction related—there are enough “sliced Peaches” in our family. *sigh* I ticked off the items in that list as well.
NO MORE LISTS! Warm, thick, predictable work socks…just don’t tell my husband, I want him to be surprised!