A Merry Heart

A Merry Heart
December 4, 2018

I clicked, “post.”

After posting my congratulations to my son on his great…uh…accomplishment, I was muddled with amazement; why did I not know about this holiday? I wondered if I would have learned about, “Chris Day” without facebook? I had no idea there was a “Chris Day.” Then an alarming thought settled into my foggy brain, “What other important, special holidays have I missed???”

Well! There was one way to find out—GOOGLE. Where would we be without Google? Gone are the days where we reach back into history for the wisdom of Voltaire, Socrates, Plato, Hippocrates, Pasteur, Galileo, Edison, Jefferson or Ward Cleaver. We’ve relegated our Britannica and World Book to old, musty smelling, used book stores. We don’t need them! We have Wikipedia. We now have what I like to call, WikiWisdom!

I digress…fearing I had failed to acknowledge and respect some all-important holiday and had offended someone—or group of someones—and eager to make amends, I decided to play catch-up. I opened my laptop, clicked on the “Wisdom of the World” (my Firefox browser), typed in the magic words and began to do a mental check list of these documented holidays, starting with January:

Jan 1.  New Year’s Day- okay, I’ve always celebrated that; maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad- covered.
Jan 2.  Run up the Flagpole and See if Anyone Salutes Day- pangs of patriotic guilt; I couldn’t forget that next year- noted.
Jan 3. Festival of Sleep Day- covered.
Jan 3. Fruitcake Toss Day- oh yeah, done that! covered.
Jan 3. Humiliation Day- oh yeah! I celebrate that MANY times a year- covered.

…this was going to take forever…I quickly scanned the list and skipped a few: bird, bean, cuddle, epiphany—probably wasn’t going to offend anyone skipping those…epiphany?

Jan 10.  Houseplant Appreciation Day- I had to admit I didn’t croon or sing to my plants nearly enough- noted.
Jan 10.  Peculiar People Day- kudos to whoever came up with that one! COVERED!
Jan 11.  Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day- I thought that was rude? COOL! Permission! noted.
Jan 13.  International Skeptics Day- nah, I think that’s fabricated- covered.
Jan 14.  Dress Up Your Pet Day- always wondered what my poodle would look like dressed as the Titanic- noted.
Jan 16.  Appreciate a Dragon Day- I must say, I take the dragon for granted- noted.
Jan 16.  National Nothing Day- too bad, I’m covered.
Jan 17.  Ditch New Year’s Resolutions Day- covered.
Jan 18.  Thesaurus Day- masked/covered.
Jan 20.  Penguin Awareness Day- I have to admit that I am completely unaware of our feathered, flying little friend the penguin and how he influences our everyday life- noted.
Jan 21.  Squirrel Appreciation Day- who doesn’t appreciate squirrels- covered.
Jan 21.  Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday- the same day as Squirrel Day. I would have to choose between honoring a man who sacrificed everything for the freedom of a large segment of Americans or hugging a squirrel. Poor planning to put both very important holidays on the same day- covered.
Jan 23.  Measure Your Feet Day- …who does that?- noted.
Jan 24.  Compliment Day- this reminds me of the readers of this article: discerning, sophisticated and highly intelligent- covered.
Jan 25.  Opposite Day- I would never do that; that would NOT be funny (see Jan. 24)- covered.

Jan 28.  National Kazoo Day- once a year, give the wind ensemble a break- noted.
Jan 30.  National Inane Answering Message Day- evidently a very popular holiday- covered.
Jan 31.  Inspire Your Heart with Art Day- my extensive collection of acrylic on black velvet and paperclip sculptures should be proof enough of my love of art- covered.

That’s just holidays in January.

Silly? Yes! Ridiculous? Yes! Gratuitious? Likely! But before you go being too indignant at the superficiality, remember we can make this work FOR us: National Dessert Day, Oct 14—which is also Bald and Free Day—and Don’t Go to Work Unless It’s Fun Day, April 3—which is also my birthday, another national holiday. Adding these…uh…dubious holidays can make life more interesting. May I suggest you take a “Walk on Your Wild Side,” April 12?

Next time you’re in Hallmark, pick up a card for your follicly-challenged friend and go have some dessert!